To The Girl Seeking Freedom From Anxiety

What do they think of me? Did I say the right thing? Am I doing enough? Do I look bad? What if they find out about my past? Am I measuring up to what people expect of me? Is God happy with me? Does anyone even like me? If I do this, what are people going to think of me?

There was a time in my life where thoughts like these would race 100 miles an hour in my mind nonstop. Life felt exhausting. I was bound in anxiety, constantly worried, and struggled to get through the day without feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders. 

This was not how life was supposed to be and deep down I knew it. I grew up in church, accepted Jesus at a young age, I went to a Christian school, served in church, was at youth group every week, and in 2019 I graduated High School and headed off to Northwest University to pursue a ministry degree and walk out to call to ministry God placed on my life in the summer of 2017. 

I thought I was doing all the right things but still found myself struggling to live a life full of the peace and joy I grew up being taught I could experience. I had always been more of an overthinker and people peaser growing up. I care deeply about people and that would sometimes translate into caring too much about what people thought of me or holding burdens for other people I was never meant to carry alone.  My struggle with anxiety hit its peak in 2020. My mom’s cancer had just come back, I had just gotten out of an abusive relationship, and my life felt like it was falling apart. In the midst of all of it, I have this moment I distinctly remember. I was talking with my best friend who was well aquainted with my deep struggle with anxiety and I remember looking at her and saying” you know, anxiety is just something I am going to struggle with my entire life. I just need to accept it”. Looking back what I realize, is that in that moment and for a long while after that moment I had accepted a reality that God did not have for me. Proverbs 18:21 states “Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruit.”.God’s word is clear that there is the power of life and death in our words. In that very moment, I was speaking death and hopelessness into my struggles rather than the truth of freedom and hope found in Jesus. For a long while, I was bound to anxiety and refused the freedom God had for me simply because I did not want to surrender. My struggle with anxiety was real, as is it for many people, but in that season of my life I did little to fight it, rather I simply accepted it as a part of who I was.

Truthfully, I did not want to fully surrender something that had become my identity or the things that caused a majority of my anxiety. 

I didn’t want to surrender bitterness towards people who hurt me. I didn’t want to surrender my image. I didn’t want to surrender my plans. I didn’t want to surrender control. I didn’t want to surrender my fear of the future. The list could go on and on, but I simply was resistant to surrender.

But can I tell you something beautiful? In the summer of 2021, I hit a point where I was finally ready to surrender. I was ready to open up my heart fully to God again and let Him bring freedom into my life. I allowed Him to break down the lies about myself I had embraced and identified with. In the summer of 2021, I laid down so much that I had withheld from God and I finally decided to believe for healing over the grip anxiety had on my life. In a powerful moment of prayer, I physically felt God deliver me from the grip and control of anxiety in my life and I have never been the same.

God powerfully met me in my struggle and showed me that anxiety no longer needed to control my life. In Him, I can experience peace and entrust every hardship, every struggle, every fear to Him.

Now here is what I want to clearly say, because I think often we think moments of freedom with Christ mean we will never struggle again and that isn’t the truth. Am I now perfect now? Do I never worry or fear? No! The difference now is that anxiety is no longer my identity. I am not controlled by worry or fear. When those things creep in, I have every tool I need to combat it and walk in peace. 

A large part of my ability to not be controlled by fear and anxiety is being rooted in the truth of God’s word. Here are some scriptures that I have clung to as I walk out freedom from anxiety.

Phillipians 4:6 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God”

Proverbs 3:5-6 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandingin all your ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight”.

Proverbs 29:25 “The fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe”

Combatting fear and worry is an active battle. What these verses remind me is a few things

1. I get to choose what I dwell on. When fear creeps in, when worry arises I have the choice to dwell on it, or I can continue to give it to God. (Even if it means praying and giving God the same thing over and over again)
2. When I fully trust in God, He will always guide me where I need to be. I don’t have to worry about the future or seemingly impossible situations, because he is in control.
3. I am called to submit to God in ALL my ways, not just in what I want to submit to Him. Freedom comes by giving God ALL of you.
4. I answer to God, I don’t answer to man. I am called to obey God above all else, and that brings me peace and security. 

I am far from perfect. I still struggle, but the truth is that my identity is in Christ and yours is too. If my story inspires you to anything, I hope it is this: Surrender to God and see Him bring freedom. He loves us and true love does not force itself on us but gives us a choice. Choose to surrender everything to God, even that thing in your life you think will never change, even that struggle nobody else knows about, whatever it is, surrendering brings freedom so don’t wait! God has good things in store for you and freedom waiting for you if you just accept it.

<3 Breezy Van Peursem