Flee from Sexual Immorality: Saying “yes” to God instead of “too late”

Everyone knows that sex is meant to be a gift. It IS a gift. Furthermore, it is a gift from God.
It has become so highly praised, and so wrongly distorted at the exact same time.

Back in my freshman year of high school, I met the most adorable boy, Anthony, in whom I had a strong connection with right away. We started dating three days after we first talked, and immediately led ourselves into a pathway of destruction without having a clue. Lust over love. In less than three months of dating (and knowing each other), sex was in the picture at our very immature age of fifteen.

At that time, we listened and believed the idea that sex is necessary in a dating relationship to create the most fulfilling closeness and overall success. It became the driver of our happiness and even though we had an emotional connection as well, we let sex take over. Yes, we went to church regularly together. Yes, we were considered good kids. But regardless of the “good” things we did to balance out the things we snuck around to do, I always knew that it was not the greatest thing for our relationship with each other. Let alone for our connectivity with God. Although, we excused and continued our actions—I told myself that since we really loved each other and since we really knew we would last forever, it was okay. It was not okay.

After about two years of this lifestyle, I was at church with my best friend and the pastor said something along the lines of “you cannot pick and choose when you want to follow God.” I am not sure if I was just finally mature enough to understand the way I was living in a lukewarm way, or if that wording is all I needed to hear in order to step back from my selfishness. But in that moment, I knew I was being called to something greater. I finally listened. On the way home from the service, I immediately called Anthony and told him about my conviction. We discussed ways we could help each other succeed, ways to have a relationship without the element of physical intimacy.

We learned so quickly that intimacy does not solely mean sex, and that there is so much power in being able to love your partner in other ways: being able to fully appreciate their hearts and minds, solve conflict in a healthy manner, and support each other with deep understanding for the genuine needs of your partner. All of these examples are ways to have intimacy within a dating relationship—intimacy is not just physical closeness, it is emotional closeness as well. The truth is that building a bond and a deep love can thrive whether sex is involved or not.

While advocating for this kind of living, I fully acknowledge that it is very difficult. When you do love someone, you naturally seek any way to increase bonding. For a lot of people, that means sex. I am here to say it does not have to be that way. Our relationship has only grown and been more enjoyable since we reevaluated our actions. Without a doubt. We have not been perfect, but we pray together and center our thoughts on what matters to us the most. When there is a time of struggle, I remind myself that my desire for God and my desire for a successful relationship with Anthony will always be worthier of my time.

Aside from any struggle between Anthony and I, there is the whole other aspect of peer influence and criticism as well. The world glorifies sex in any form, no matter how casual or how serious it is to someone. The common phrase, “you have to test the car before you buy it,” speaks volumes about our culture. In our case, we heard from multiple people that asked “what is the point in waiting at this point if you have already had sex?” Well, what was the point of Jesus dying on the cross? Redemption. No matter your age, your background, or how many times you have sinned, it is never too late to say “yes” to God instead of saying “too late.”

Restraints in Christianity are not given to hurt us or make life less fun. Restraints are there as protection and ultimately direct us to absolute fulfillment. Specifically, having restraints in serious relationships is more than necessary. When partners obtain self-control and are able to sustain values through a moral compass, a mutual respect and trust is created between one another. This is a practice for any area of a relationship—it could be temptations related to sex/adultery, finances, health, etc.

I have come to understand the way that a well-rounded spiritual foundation provides substantial success in any other part of a relationship. God has gotten Anthony and I through it all—I once heard that peace is not found in the absence of problems, it is found in the presence of God. We have made immense strides to get here, a place of peace with the overwhelming presence of God. I know for a fact that this foundation we have built will make our relearning of physical intimacy so much more fulfilling when the time comes. This coming April, it will be two years of practicing abstinence for us. Here are some of the main takeaways that we have endured, and keys to success if you are wanting to wait:

• A relationship that has God in the center is a way of life is always going to be much more fruitful compared to short-lived pleasure when following worldly desires.
• Do not allow yourself to pursue/continue pursuing actions or people that take you away from what you believe is most righteous.
• When you struggle, you need to seek guidance. Vulnerability and honesty are key factors in growth. Anthony has gained wisdom from our youth pastor, and I have reached out to my aunt who has experience in this path. It is scary to put yourself out there, especially to people older than you. Although, you obtain so much more direction from others by sharing what is really happening in your life.
• Fill your mind with the right things, surround yourself with the right environment!! This is not new advice, but it is always crucial. I personally love to listen to Christian podcasts (Stay True by Madison Prewett Troutt has multiple episodes about temptations) and worship music. I prioritize spending time with people who are encouraging and helpful with my beliefs as well.

Anthony and I are engaged as of last month. So yes, we did end up staying together over the years and we have officially made it a deal for forever. But that is not the point. I know that it is only by His unconditional grace that we have reached this place of strength we could not have fathomed or ever gotten to otherwise if we never turned things around. I know that our hardship and constant persistence will lead us into what will be such a prosperous marriage and it will continue to pay off in the many years to come. Let me tell you, it is, and will always be, so worth the wait.