Choosing Jesus EVERYDAY

My Conversations with God:
Age 13: “God, if you’re real, please make this sadness go away.”
Age 18: “God, why do I wake up feeling sad every day while everyone else seems to feel
normal?”
Age 20: “God, I have failed you. I am an imposter.”
Age 22: “Lord, I choose you every day.”

Growing up in the church, I felt embarrassed about my sadness, as if it indicated a lack of faith.
At 13, I boldly told God that if He was real, He would make my sadness disappear. Three days
later, I was baptized, hoping it would continue the fire I had for the Lord, and would bring an end
to my sadness. But little did I know, it was just the beginning of my journey with the Lord. Nights
were filled with anger, and confusion as I wondered why therapy wasn’t helping. From ages 13
to 18, I saw seven different therapists, most of whom were believers, yet nothing seemed to
work.

Heading off to college, I feared facing life without my mom’s comforting presence. College
brought about struggles—difficulty attending classes, making friends, and maintaining my
relationship with the Lord. I questioned why I woke up sad every day while those around me
seemed to have “normal” emotions. I asked God and my mom repeatedly, “Why can’t I feel like
everyone else?” My mom would tell me that God would use this, but it just didn’t make sense to
me at the time.

At the age of 20, many expressed concern about my mental health, and I couldn’t ignore how
severely it was deteriorating. I sought help from a psychiatrist and made the decision to begin
medication. Yet, this step brought another layer of insecurity to my mental health journey. I
feared that my pastors would be disappointed in me. I felt as though my turning to medication
was evidence of my weak faith. I felt like a failure. I confided in my pastors because I was
actively involved in the youth ministry, and I couldn’t shake the feeling of being a total impostor.

But oh, how good our Father is!

Scripture shows us that even our biblical heroes experienced similar emotions. Jeremiah,
known as the weeping prophet, and Elijah, who begged God to end his life, and so many more
faced deep struggles. Realizing that faithful servants in Scripture felt the same way as me
completely changed my perspective. My constant sadness wasn’t due to failing God or lacking
faith—it was simply a chemical imbalance in my brain.

I began to notice that every time I experienced doubt and cried out in my room, the Lord met me
there. I had to learn to surrender my emotions to Him daily, choosing Him each day. By age 22,
I understood that I couldn’t navigate this journey without the Lord. Even in my darkest moments,

He was calling me, beloved. He asked me to choose Him every day, especially when I felt
overwhelmingly sad.

In the end, my mom was right. The Lord is using my mental health struggles for His purpose.
I’ve been able to connect with youth on a deeper level, offering them comfort and
understanding. I’ve become a testimony to God’s goodness, sharing my story with young girls
who feel alone.

I’ve decided to give my mental health to the Lord, allowing Him to use it for His glory (James 1).
Just as Jesus asked the disciples to bring Him the little food they had (Matthew 14:17-21), He
asks us to bring Him our emotions. We may feel like what we have is insignificant, but the Lord
can use it in powerful ways if we offer it to Him. The disciples in the story felt as though the 5
loaves and 2 fish could never feed so many people. Nonetheless, they gave what was in their
hands to Jesus. Jesus used what they felt was insignificant, and made it significantly beautiful.
In the scripture people left full, showing that we will leave full with the presence when we give
him our emotions.

To the girl struggling with mental health, know that your faith doesn’t determine why you feel
sad. It’s okay to seek help, whether through therapy or medication. Your feelings are valid, and
above all, remember that the Lord loves you dearly.

As you reflect on my journey with faith and mental health, here are a few tips to help you walk
through yours (I am not a professional, just what has helped me as a follower):

#1) Prayer + Bible time: I encourage you to take time in prayer. Sitting in silence with the
Lord and seeking the secret place with the Lord. I encourage you to dive deep into your
word and journal how it can help guide you with your mental health.

#2) Community Support: There is a lot of value in community support when navigating
mental health challenges. I encourage you to connect with supportive friends, family
members, church leaders, or pastors who can offer understanding, empathy, and prayer.

#3) Seeking Professional Help: It is important to seek professional help when needed! I
have not talked to one pastor that did not agree with this. There are counselors who are
believers and can guide you with wisdom. Reaching out for support is a courageous step
towards healing!

#4) Find Meaning in Your Struggle: I could tell you that the Lord is going to use you for His
glory, but you will have to find that on your own to understand. Spend some time with the
Lord, and He will remind you.

#5) Share Your Story: I encourage readers to share your own story of faith and mental
health to foster connection and mutual support. Sharing your story is hard, so if you are
open to it, PLEASE DO. More girls need to hear stories to feel encouraged and validated
for their own struggles.

As you reflect on my journey with faith and mental health, recognizing that you may not be in
the same boat but still want to offer support, here are a few tips:

#1) Overcoming Stigma: Discuss the stigma surrounding mental health issues within
religious communities and how individuals can work to break down these barriers. Offer
encouragement to those who may be struggling to reconcile their faith with their mental
health needs.

#2) Support Youth in Mental Health: Create a safe and understanding environment within
youth ministry. Offer practical advice and resources for supporting young people who are
facing mental health challenges.

#3) Finding Strength in Vulnerability: Explore the concept of vulnerability and its role in
mental health recovery and spiritual growth. Encourage others to embrace their
vulnerabilities and seek support when needed, rather than hiding behind a facade of
strength.

#4) Faith-Based Mental Health Resources: Compile a list of faith-based mental health
resources, including support groups, counseling services, and online communities.
Provide information on how individuals can access these resources and incorporate
them into their journey toward healing and wholeness.

You are so loved, and you are not alone. I am here to talk!
Xoxo Gaby