You Don’t Have To Live The College Experience

If I could describe my first semester of college in one verse, it would be ‭‭Psalm ‭34‬:‭4

“I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.” 

We’ve probably all been told at least once or twice by either our parents, relatives, or friends that college is the time in your life to find yourself, but to also find your people. You’ve also probably heard at least once or twice that college is the time to “let loose”, “go crazy while you can”, or, “have fun before you have to grow up.” I grew up with the idea that college was for getting a degree, also but partying your tail off while doing it. 

Coming into college this year, I felt both excitement and pressure to form friendships that would last a lifetime. One of the biggest things I wanted to prioritize finding in college was Godly-community, and girls to do life with. 

But with the idea of the American college experience looming over my head, I came to college thinking that if I didn’t go to parties and make an appearance in those scenes, I wouldn’t make any friends. Despite this, I committed during my senior year of high school to honor my convictions about drinking; I knew I wanted to honor God with my decisions and not get drunk in college at parties.

So, for the first two months of college, I tried to make both work. I went to parties consistently, usually two or three times a week, while also trying to not drink and stay sober.

After trying this for about two months, I realized two things –

1) It was a lot harder to not drink at parties than I thought it would be

I underestimated how much the social atmosphere and presence of friends drinking would affect and influence me. Even if none of my friends were pressuring me to drink, I still felt left out being the only one who wasn’t. I also realized, if I was at a party and a guy was offering me a drink, 9 times out of 10 that answer was not going to be “no.” 

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2) I wasn’t making any real friends at these events

I was meeting people, and if I was lucky, maybe establishing a first-name basis with them. But I wasn’t walking away with any friends, let alone people who would be in my life after college. At the end of the day, standing in a room with blaring music and strobe lights isn’t going to be where you cultivate meaningful relationships.

To put it simply, I realized in those first two months that the “college experience” isn’t better than Jesus. Partying, hook-up culture, indulging, binge drinking, living for the weekend – it will never satisfy. The enemy tries to convince us that college is the time for us to go crazy, or that God’s grace will cover the “college lifestyle.” But the truth is that the lifestyle and habits we establish in college do last longer than those four years. 

About halfway through the first semester of my freshman year, I knew that the party lifestyle of college was not fulfilling; it was not where I was going to find my people. Despite knowing a lot of people on campus and being in a large sorority, I still felt lonely, I lacked the community that my soul craved. 

I got to a point where I was fully vulnerable before God. I picked up my cross and said that I wanted my years in college to entirely glorify Him. After I did this, I prayed hard for friends who wanted to walk alongside me in that call. 

Two weeks later, one of my sorority sisters Ashley, gave her life to Christ. I didn’t know it at the time, but this was the first part of God answering my prayer for community. Getting to walk alongside Ashley’s faith journey has been nothing short of a blessing. God has entirely transformed her heart and desires, and I could not be any more proud of her; she has truly become one of my best friends. 

Shortly after, Ashley and I met two more girls through a leadership organization we are a part of. Their names were Ava and Hadyn, and were also navigating following Jesus in college. 

The friends that I went into college longing and praying for, I am blessed to say that I found. The Lord put these friends in my life when I pursued Him first and prioritized my relationship with Him above all else. 

Two of the biggest things that the Lord has revealed to me in college so far is that

1) Our flesh is powerful

There are hundreds of verses in the Bible that speak to the weakness of our flesh, (trust me I googled it.) One that sticks out to me is Matthew 26:41, which cautions us to, “Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.” It didn’t matter how much I prayed or spiritually prepared myself before going to a party. Despite my spirit being willing, my flesh was still weak. Going to parties consistently was putting myself in a position to be tempted; a position to give in to my flesh over obeying and glorifying God. I’m not saying that going to parties in college is inherently sinful or that you can never go out, but I am saying that if you are putting yourself consistently in environments filled with temptations, you will fall short and give in to the desires of your flesh.

2) We aren’t meant to do life ALONE!

The Bible puts it best in Genesis 2:18. God had just created the earth and the first-ever human, Adam. God created Adam from the dust of the ground and breathed life into him. While surrounded by the beauty of creation in the Garden of Eden, God observes that Adam lacks a suitable companion or partner. God says in Genesis 2:18, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” This led to God creating the first woman, Eve. God knew in the very beginning that humans were not meant to be alone, and He still believes the same to be true now.

I used to think that if I was spiritually disciplined enough, that I could follow Jesus well, even if I didn’t have community. The truth is that I can’t; no one can. We will never reach our full potential as witnesses and followers of Jesus Christ if we are walking with Him alone. Friends who are also pursuing Jesus will push us to be better followers of Christ, and protect us from falling to temptation.

Maybe you are reading this blog and are yearning for Godly community. Maybe you are reading this having just wrapped up your first semester of college, and wishing you did a lot of things differently. Here is my advice for the girl who is ready to take the next step in her faith and away from the college experience.

1) Spend time doing things that bring you pure joy as opposed to temporary pleasure. 

I never felt particularly happy when I got back to my dorm after a party; the next day I didn’t look back on the night and think “Wow, that was such a good time.” I do find myself feeling happy, fulfilled, and joyful after planning a fun dinner with friends, hosting a game night, getting dressed up and taking photos, or going on a spontaneous adventure around my city. College is the time for finding yourself, which includes finding the things that you love doing. Find the things in life that bring you joy, and go out and do them; even if it’s not what everyone else in college is spending their time doing. 

2) Pray for Godly friends

I can not stress enough the power of prayer. When I asked God to bring me girls to walk alongside, He did. Once I presented my desire before God, He opened my eyes to people who were already in my life that I should be more intentional with. Sometimes when we are so fixated on what we don’t currently have, we miss what God has put right in front of us. I promise that there are girls in your life and on your campus who are also craving the same community. My encouragement is to be bold, send the first text, and maybe even plan a get-together. 

3) Find mentorship

Not only is it important to have a circle of friends pursuing the Lord, but it is also just as important to cultivate mentorship to help you navigate college. I know it may seem daunting, but I promise that there are people in ministry who have been in your shoes and are eager to connect and help guide you through these four years. 

I feared coming to college that if I didn’t go to parties, I wouldn’t make friends. I feared that once I stopped going to parties, I would be lonely. I feared that I wouldn’t find people in college who were also walking with the Lord. Through the power of prayer and obedience to Him, God delivered me from my fears. 

Pursue the Lord above all else, let him speak into your life. He will answer your prayer and bring you a fulfilling and Godly community. He did it for me, and I am confident that He can for you too. 

Love,

Marisol Gutierrez