To the girl who is looking for that “real love”

We live in a society that has misconstrued what it means to be “in love”. We see it everywhere—tv shows, movies, books, or music just to name a few. We see these big romantic gestures, people who gaze into each other’s eyes as if they’re the only ones in the room, extravagant and picture-perfect weddings. It’s not a bad thing to want these things, to want connection. In fact, God created us for it. But if we root ourselves and our relationships in material or superficial things instead of Christ and what it means to be loved by Him, our foundation is surely to crumble at some point. If we haven’t had the pleasure to meet yet, my name is Alyssa and I’d love to share some of my story with you in hopes that this speaks to the girl who is wondering if there is “the one” out there for her. I am 23 years old, married to the love of my life and best friend, and we have an almost 1 year old son named Kanan. My husband is the Youth Director at Faith Tri-Cities, and I am a part-time barista and freelance photographer. The best journey that God has set me on for this season of my life is being a mom. While some days are hard and exhausting, it is simultaneously the most fulfilling title I carry. 

My husband and I’s love story is truly that of a Hallmark movie—our families have been best friends for what seems like forever, so I’ve known my husband since we were kids. He was my first crush, and all my friends knew it. As we grew older into our teenage years, I was so afraid of rejection from him that I never made the effort to let him know how I felt. This led me into a different relationship, one that was not lifegiving or Christ honoring. It was during this time that I had lost my identity as a daughter of Christ, adopted into His family, for greater purpose than where I was. I remember people asking me if he was “the one” and thinking, “well yeah, this is how it’s supposed to be, you date to marry” and then replying yes—that was probably the most unconvincing “yes” anyone has ever heard from me. Time passes and I realize that nothing about this relationship had brought me closer to God, it did quite the opposite. It felt like God was on the back burner and nothing of this relationship was challenging me to re-center my life back to Him. It was a season of uncertainty and a conviction that this isn’t what God had wanted for me. 

Fast forward to my husband’s and mine’s brief courting period where we were both uncertain if we had feelings for each other and trying to decipher the others’ signals. Again, I was still so afraid of rejection from him that I mistook what seemed like obvious signs to him as “he’s just being nice”. I wish I could go back and yell at myself “GIRL, HE DEFINITELY LIKES YOU”. Ha! The turning point for me was when I was sitting in church and during a moment of prayer after a sermon on love, I silently prayed to God if this was what He wanted for me, that He alone would make it happen because I trusted His plan for me more than what I could try to control it to be. And sure enough, He did. He blessed me with a man who loves Jesus and serves Him selflessly. My husband is someone who continuously challenges me with the heart of wanting the best for me and living in such a way that honors Christ. My husband is someone who prays for me and over me, who leads our family with a reverence and sensitivity to the Holy Spirit, and obediently and confidently shares the word of God to others because he sees the love God has for them. 

We often hear the words regarding relationships, “when you know, you know”. I realize that these aren’t always the most assuring words to hear when you’re longing for something more. But I can say with confidence that if done in obedience and a genuine desire to have Christ be the center of not only your relationship but your life, the Holy Spirit will give you the answer and the undoubted clarity that this is what God wants for you. Finding “the one” isn’t creating a checklist and hoping he checks all the boxes. It actually starts with you and where your heart is. If relationships are treated like a band aid—a temporary fix to something bigger—true fulfillment will never be found. God desires our hearts and desires relationship with us. God showed us what it means to have and experience real love. 1 John 4:9-10 says that “God showed us how much he loved us by sending his one and only Son into the world so that we might have eternal life through him. This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins”. We ought to live and find purpose in love like this because only then will we find fulfillment and only then will our foundation be strong enough to not be broken. The world’s definition of love pales in comparison to God’s love. It’s only when we understand this will you begin to live out what it means to have a relationship rooted in Christ. Two people running towards God individually are naturally running towards God together. If you live like God was your first love, it will make the right person love you even more.