Not A Bold Girl

Audacious, courageous, daring, fearless, bold. These are not the first words I often use to describe myself. As a young girl I would have used the words: shy, quiet, nervous, anxious, afraid. When adults would talk to me, my face would turn bright red as I quickly learned to avoid anything involving risk. As I got older, these words continued to follow me. Whether it was staying home with crippling anxiety because I knew I had a class presentation, or the constant rewind of how awkward I probably came off in a conversation, I often felt small. 

Yet at the same time I was surrounded by family, friends and a church community that exuded seemingly unattainable boldness. Many times, I believed the lie that I would be cuffed to fear indefinitely. Something changed in me around my senior year of high school. I began to cry out to God in a way that I never had before. I was tired, and chose to take a big trust fall with the Lord. 

The years that followed became the most daring of my life. I lived and served abroad in Indonesia for a year, interned in various ministries, helped teach 2 little boys during a global pandemic, and pioneered an entire kids ministry at a multicultural church plant. I’m now about 3 years into that church plant, and I lead a team weekly as I have a platform to share the love of Jesus with kids from diverse backgrounds. 

Something changed deep in my heart when I said yes to what Jesus would have for me. The road has been windy, and continues to have big highs and lows, yet I can confidently say today that I need the one who can provide a boldness in me. 

I used to think the only way to be bold was to be loud, the one in charge, and without insecurity. Yet scripture shows Jesus as a sweet friend who’s willing to meet us right where we are. I often think of Moses in the bible when an angel reveals themself through a burning bush. God wanted to use Moses to get his people out of slavery. His response reminds me of what I’ve said to God many times. Moses says to God “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” (Exodus 4:10 NLT) I often feel like Moses, pleading with the Lord to use someone else, someone more eloquent and bold.  

I have to remind myself that there is no special prerequisite to how the Lord can use me. He can use anyone, we just have to be willing to let him hold us. Proverbs 28 says that “…The righteous are as bold as a lion.” I want to encourage you, when the Lord calls you into doing something that may seem nerve racking, just know he’s in it with you. 

In any given chapter of your life, there will be challenges and the opportunity for anxiety to make you feel timid. Friend, grab ahold of the one who holds you- he is making you bold. Rest knowing it is not in our own power but in his.

<3 Sierra Backes