A Post For Sexual Assault Awareness Month

Trigger Warning: this post discusses sexual assault.

SEX!

Was that a jump scare? Did you feel hurt, regret, or shame in your gut?

Sex is one of those topics often tiptoed around in the church but is a constant conversation in the world. From Sunday school onward, we’re told: Sex is bad. Sex is a sin. Sex is shameful.

And then, it’s never talked about again. The world portrays sex as an average experience, over sexualizes women, advertisements, music, fruit, literally anything and everything is sexualized. These two ideals could not be more clashing. As young women, we end up confused on how to talk about sex, how to feel about sex, how to respond to advances, and how to deal with sex in a healthy way. It’s everywhere, so let’s talk about it. The truth is, sex is beautiful-when practiced the way God designed it to be.

My Story:

When I was 16, I got my first boyfriend. He was funny, kind, and, for the first time, the attention I

received from a boy didn’t feel gross or manipulative. At 17, a few months into dating, I had my first kiss. We took things slow. He respected my relationship with God, my purity, and even went to church with me. He loved me well. 

Until one day, everything flipped. 

I remember watching a movie, kissing, and then-suddenly- I was face-down in a pillow, gasping for air. My head was pinned down, my hands locked behind my back, my legs kicked apart, my skirt pulled up. 

In that moment, my world shattered. My hope in love? Gone. My trust in myself? Disappeared.

My joy? Stolen. The boy I gave my heart to-the one who was supposed to cherish and protect me-raped me. 

And the first thought that consumed me? My purity. The promise I made to God. Shame completely overwhelmed me. For a year, I let this boy continue to abuse me. I was already broken, already damaged goods. Was it horrible? Yes. Heartbreaking? Yes. But if God couldn’t love me anymore, then maybe this was what I deserved.

Eventually, I gathered the courage to tell some of my youth group leaders what had happened. I

expected comfort, maybe even guidance.

Instead, I was met with disappointment.

• “Megan, you know what the Lord says about purity.”

• “Megan, you must have done something to make him think that was okay”

• “You are not who I thought you were. I don’t know you.”

• “Megan, sex is supposed to be between a husband and a wife”

My courage to speak up was met with judgment and shame. After that, I believed I was too broken to be loved, too impure to be accepted by God. So, I threw my body away. I let guys use me, slept around, gave myself away to anyone who would take me, hoping for even the smallest crumb of acceptance. I thought that if I let enough men in, I would stop wincing at their touch. That the fear would fade. That I wouldn’t panic when I was alone with them. But every encounter only left me with more shame, more guilt. And a small voice whispering, this is not who I called you to be.

In 2019, at a Halloween party, I was raped again by a different man. This time, something inside me changed. I was done being used. But instead of turning to God, I turned to anger. I was mad—at Him, at my family for questioning me, at my friends who didn’t understand, and at myself for everything I had done.

Then, in 2021, I met my husband. For the first time, I was met with real love. He listened. He held me while I cried. Walked me through healing. He reminded me of my worth. He shifted my view of sex from a punishment to an act of love. We got engaged after 10 months of dating and during our engagement, we went to premarital counseling. This changed my life. I was able to let go of shame, see the desires God had for my marriage. He wanted my husband and I to live an intimate and happy life together. He did not call me to a marriage of fear or sadness, the Lord has a happy and encouraging marriage in store for you. Genesis 3:7 talks about Adam and Eve – “Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked. And they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves loincloths.” Continuing in verse 10-11, Adam states “I was ashamed, because I was naked, and I hid myself.” He said, “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree which I commanded you not to eat?“ We cannot hide

ourselves from God. He doesn’t call us out of our sin to shame us, he convicts us of our sins for our own protection. Realizing that He was not mad at me, not ashamed of me, but that He wanted the best for me and my marriage completely turned me around from the cycle I was stuck in.

Shame Is Not from God

For years, I was convinced God shamed me. That icky feeling in my chest, the voice telling me I was too broken, too used, too discarded—that wasn’t from the Lord.

The church often places harsh standards on purity. But what happens when we mess up? What if we don’t have a choice? What if we live with our significant other before marriage?

Girls, hear me—shame does not come from God. Conviction does.

God does not call you out to humiliate you. He calls you higher, to walk in your purpose. He already knows every detail of your life—including your sin. Jesus did not die on the cross to take the sin and leave the shame. Shame was nailed to the cross, too.

Romans 10:11 says, “Everyone who believes in Him will not be put to shame.”

You are not defined by your past, your traumas, or your sins. You are who He says you are.

• You are a daughter.

• You are a sister.

• You are a friend.

• You are a princess in the Kingdom

• You are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).

• You are not a mistake (Ephesians 1:4).

• You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalms 139:14).

God’s Design for Sex

The Bible discusses sex often. In fact, an entire book—Song of Solomon—celebrates love, sex, and marriage. Genesis 2:24 says, “A man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” God designed sex within marriage to be an act of commitment, love, and intimacy.

But hear this: If your story isn’t “pure,” or if you’ve been sexually assaulted, do not be ashamed.

The Lord delivers you from your trauma.

He loves you through it.

He is a friend when you feel alone.

A Father when no one understands.

An encourager when you feel worthless.

A way when you feel lost.

He sees no flaw in you.

The Lord will never cast shame.

You are so loved.

Please, be encouraged: there is freedom in breaking the chains of shame. Take your shame, your guilt, your past, and surrender it to God.

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.”

– Matthew 11:28

Resources:

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

Book: Forgiving what you can’t Forget by Lisa TerKeurst

Tips for Telling Someone: https://rainn.org/articles/telling-loved-ones-about-sexual-assault

Self Care Afterwards: https://rainn.org/articles/self-care-after-trauma

My Phone Number: 530-227-3579

<3 Megan Massey