To The Girl Struggling To Forgive

Forgiveness is such an important concept, not only within Christian teachings but also in our personal lives. There are many verses that highlight its importance, from Ephesians 4:32’s call to “forgive one another as Christ forgave you” to the teachings in Matthew 6:14-15 that state, “if you forgive others, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others, neither will your Father forgive you.” Seems easy enough, right? While I wish it were that easy, life is not always black and white. The real world hosts trauma, abuse, dysfunction, and contention, which muddies the waters of forgiveness.

These situations can be sticky, multifaceted, and result in deeply rooted emotional wounds. While it isn’t easy, forgiveness is an act of healing; it is the intentional decision to release the feelings of anger and hurt. And that’s just the thing, it is an INTENTIONAL DECISION! While time does heal wounds to some degree, there is rarely a perfect moment when someone feels entirely ready to let go of hurt. It is a decision that people must actively make. In cases of profound hurt, forgiveness isn’t going to be easy; most likely, it won’t be a one-and-done situation. You have to make the daily choice to forgive over and over again until that last time when it sticks.

Now, speaking of forgiving over and over again, here’s a misconception I see among Christians who are struggling with forgiveness: you do not owe abusers a ticket back into your life. Forgiveness does not mean that you need to rekindle relationships with abusers or re-enter toxic situations (like getting back together with your ex or becoming best friends with that ex-bestie again). It is vital to understand that forgiving someone does not mean you have to subject yourself to further harm. Rather, it simply means that you don’t hold any wrath against them in your heart and view them through the lens of compassion, recognizing their inherent worth as a creation of God. As hard of a concept as it might be to accept, Jesus died for them just as He did for you.

Let’s take a look at the world’s best example of forgiveness: Jesus. He paved the way and showed us an example of what this looks like. Jesus forgave time and time again, stating in Matthew 18:21-35, where he tells Peter to forgive seventy times seven times every day. Jesus forgave a woman who engaged in adultery in John 8:11, a sinful woman in Luke 7:38, and most impactfully, He forgave the VERY PEOPLE who were crucifying Him on the cross in Luke 23:34. As they were nailing Him to the cross to mock, torture, and end His life, Jesus talked to His Father, God, in heaven to say, “Father forgive them, for they know not what they do.” Shortly after this, Jesus forgave the criminal who was hanging next to Him on the cross by saying, “Truly I say to you, today you shall be with me in paradise” (Luke 23:43). Jesus’s forgiveness is beyond touching; He has so much grace, mercy, and love for humanity, which is an example that I wish we all would follow.

Now, the thing about forgiveness is that it is on your own terms to break those chains. While there are examples of people showing remorse and asking for forgiveness (Luke 7:38), that is not always the case. It is important to apologize for your wrongs, but not everyone in this broken world is going to do that. In that case, it is important to learn how to forgive without an apology. As mentioned earlier, Jesus showed this perfect example in Luke 23:34, where He forgave the people who were crucifying Him, even though they showed no sorrow or remorse. The Romans were actively mocking Him as Jesus chose to forgive them… That is powerful.

I know forgiveness isn’t always easy… we are only human and fail time and time again, but I have good news! There is hope, and we are not alone; there is a God so powerful and so great that He will HELP YOU! Through prayer, we are able to seek His divine assistance in navigating the complexity of this concept. Whether it’s asking Him to show you the way, to soften your heart towards a person or situation, to strengthen you, or to provide you with clarity, God is ever-ready to aid us. We weren’t meant to live this life alone, but instead to depend on God, who is all-loving.

Forgiveness is so freeing. It’s like taking off a heavy backpack that you didn’t even realize you were carrying. It allows you to move forward with peace in your heart, which bleeds into other areas of your life: your temper, your relationships, and your outlook on life and people. If you are struggling with forgiveness, I encourage you to pray to our Heavenly Father and ask Him to help you. He loves you and sees the intentions of your heart.

– Rhiannon <3