I Was Dumped A Year Ago Today

I was dumped a year ago today. I was left feeling gut-wrenched, blindsided, betrayed and heartbroken. That feeling of dread in your stomach, not being able to eat, having no tears left to cry – girls I get it, because I was there. It truly felt like rock bottom.

Some of you might be reading this and thinking “seriously girl, a high school breakup? That’s what felt like your rock bottom?” And others of you may have never related to anything more. 

If reading this, you are in the same spot that I was in a year ago today, I am here to tell you on the other side of it that it doesn’t just get better, God’s best is yet to come.

At the time, my boyfriend and I were together for almost 2 years. We did everything together, we were super close with each other’s families, and regularly talked about a future together. Needless to say, our breakup was a very big adjustment for me and left me with a lot of emotional hurt, and confusion about my life. Who am I going to spend time with now? What is my life after college going to look like? Am I ever going to find my person? I was wrestling with all of these questions.

In this season of my life I had the opportunity to go down two different paths-

1) Reindulge In The World

In the past, when I was going through a breakup, I hopped right back on Snapchat to find a new cute guy to obsess over. When I really think about it, most of my relationships were a result of a never ending cycle of when one relationship ends, you just move onto the next one to forget about the old one. 

The truth is, I became a slave to this cycle because I was deathly afraid of being alone. I was always the kind of girl that never liked to do anything by myself. I always needed someone to come on errands with me, be with me before I fell asleep, and even when I was getting ready or in the car, instead of listening to music I only listened to audio books or podcasts so it felt like someone else was there. 

I was constantly stimulated by interactions with other people because the truth was, I knew that if I was ever alone with my own thoughts that God was going to reveal to me that I had it all wrong. If I just kept moving, doing, talking, engaging – I would never have to face the truth.

Or

2) Surrender Everything To Christ

While I felt tempted to go back to my old habits and quickly move onto the next guy, there was something tugging at my heart that knew those choices weren’t going to result in healing or satisfaction.

In the beginning of 2021 during my sophomore year of high school, I had accepted Jesus into my life as savior. However, it wasn’t until my senior year of high school that I began to live a life fully dedicated to honoring the Lord in everything I did. He was my savior, but He had not yet become the Lord over my entire life. 

In my case, a relationship I had idolized and misplaced my identity in was what was holding me back from being fully surrendered to Jesus. 

I remember being on the phone with my good friend and mentor @aprilbiondolillo, and she reminded me that God closing this chapter in my life was an opportunity; I was about to enter a season where for the first time in my life I could be entirely reliant on God, His word, and what He says about me. 

Picking up my cross and surrendering everything was probably the hardest thing I have ever done, but without a doubt it was so worth it. I get to live an abundant life every day because I am now completely in Christ, I experience a joy that I never knew was possible.

Here are my 3 pieces of advice to the girl who is going through a breakup:

1. Call Your Girls

Right after my ex-boyfriend left my house immediately after the breakup, I called two people: their names were Oe and April. 

Oe and April are the kinds of people who bring out the best in you; they bring out Christ in you. They meet you where you are at while also challenging you. They are there to both grieve and cry with you. When you are hurting, they hurt too, because they care about you. 

When you are in seasons of hurt, grieving, or heartbreak, you are going to need those people in your life more than ever that are going to point you back to Jesus. 

In these moments, don’t run to the friends that will just want to bash and talk crap about your ex with you for two hours. This may temporarily feel good and make you feel validated in your hurt, but it will only create more built up frustration and resentment towards that person. 

Culture tries to sell us this lie that it is okay, and even sometimes empowering to rant or talk badly about those who hurt you. But the truth is, it only keeps you trapped in your own bitterness, disappointment and what often feels like betrayal. Put that anger, frustration, and hurt to rest, don’t surround yourself with people who will fuel it.

2. Choose To Walk In Forgiveness

Whether your relationship ended due to a big betrayal or if lingering hurt continues to cloud your mind, choosing to forgive is what is ultimately going to set you free and lead to peace. Sometimes choosing to forgive benefits us more than the person we forgive, as it gifts us peace and liberation from resentment.

Choosing to forgive was hands-down the biggest game changer for me. I no longer had to carry the hurt I was experiencing on my own, I got to give it to God, and He gave me the strength to fully let go.

Forgiveness is not just a one time decision, it is a process. Walking in forgiveness means choosing to forgive each day, even when painful feelings or memories resurface. 

A practical application tip for walking in forgiveness is when a thought of hurt or anger comes to your mind, say a short prayer for that person. Praying for those who have hurt you leads to joy and freedom in your own heart and can even open the eyes and heart of the other person. 

If you are reading this and thinking in your head right now, “but he did this awful thing to me, why would I forgive him?” This next part is really important.

Culture often tries to tell us that forgiveness is something that a person has to earn or deserve. But as followers of Christ, we are called to forgive as Christ has forgiven us. (Ephesians 4:32) 

Christ died so that we could be seen as righteous before God. We did nothing to deserve this, so who are we to say that someone else has to earn our forgiveness? While this may seem unfair or unnatural to us, the opportunity to forgive others serves as a humbling reminder of what Christ has done for us. 

3. Become Complete In Christ

The greatest thing that my breakup taught me was that Christ is the only thing that will ever truly satisfy. You have to fully love yourself and know your worth in the Lord before you get into a relationship; and I wasn’t at that place yet before my breakup. 

Before I needed a boyfriend to complete me, but by being consistent in prayer, His word, and daily pursuing a relationship with Him, I became complete in my relationship with Christ. 

I think that sometimes when we go through breakups, the advice we get is “it’s going to be okay, because the man God has for you is going to come and be so much greater.” While I do believe that if the desire of your heart is to get married, God will honor that (Psalm 37:4), I want to challenge this thought that is meant to help us move on from our recently ended relationship. 

If our mindset is that it’s going to be okay because the next guy is eventually going to come, we are never going to be at peace. While marriage is beautiful and God-honoring, getting married or finding your forever person is never going to make you feel complete or arrived in life. A husband is meant to compliment, not complete your life.

A year later, I am completely single and completely content. (Trust me- I never imagined these words coming out of my mouth)

I honestly don’t think I ever believed that I could be content alone, but the truth is that I’m not alone, I am complete in Christ. In the past year I have made the greatest of friends that I’ve longed for my entire life, I moved across the country, I got 2 spontaneous tattoos, I’ve changed my major 3 times, and I’ve continued to grow into the woman God has called me to be. 

So much of the work God has done in my life over the past year and the continual refinement He has done in me would never have happened without my breakup. 

Whether God is removing a guy, friend, job, or anything from your life, He is doing a good work in your life. (Romans 8:28)

It may be hard to see now, but trust me, God’s plan for our life is always better. If He did it for me, I promise that He can for you too. 

Sincerely, the girl who’s heart was broken a year ago today ♥