Make A List & Check It Twice

I remember someone telling me to make a list, a list that would describe all the details of my future husband that I desired. Honestly, for a long time, this idea made me cringe. The thought of myself sitting down and writing up all the characteristics I wanted in the opposite sex seemed unrealistic and child-like.  The idea of curating this perfect list for some person to magically cross off on all the boxes seemed a bit far fetched.  

I never made the list. I brushed the advice to the side and ignored the thought of writing down the attributes I desired in my future husband.

However, as time passed on and my serious relationship of two years ended, I felt lost. At the time I thought I knew what I wanted in a husband and quite honestly, I thought I had it. Yet, I was wrong. There were qualities I didn’t even know that I even wanted, let alone, needed.

Six months after my break-up and moving to Washington, I remember sitting in my Senior Pastor’s office talking again about this idea of a future-husband-list. (I know you shouldn’t roll your eyes at your Senior Pastor, let alone, boss, but there was definitely a major eye roll…whoops.) He told me what I had heard many times before, I needed to make a list – the glorious list that required me to write down all the specifics that I wanted in my future husband. Honestly, I laughed at him. I thought it felt childish. Yet he proceeded to tell me the importance of writing this down, not the intricate details describing the wants, but the core needs.

Honestly, I was at a point where I was tired of endless first dates. I was exhausted with trying to figure out on my own if this person was a fit or not and I was over the confusion of the process of dating.

I decided they were all right. Due to not making a list, not sitting down and clearly identifying what I needed, I walked into dates completely oblivious. Lacking a clear picture, many dating situations dragged on and lingered, when I could have cut them off right away. Confusion would have vanished and hearts had the opportunity to be guarded.

I am a 100% planner, so it’s interesting to me that when it came to this aspect of my life that I would let it “be what it is”. I was careless and chose oblivion. I believe it’s because I didn’t know if I was honestly worth it. Was I worthy enough to make a man’s list? If I wrote down things I desired, was I those things in return for his potential list? Pretty terrifying, if you ask me. It’s not a one-sided request or an either/or situation, it’s both. I had to learn that making the list meant I too would have to be working on bettering myself in the areas I desired.

This list became my backdrop to every date. It wasn’t that I sat there with a notebook checking off items or when I got to a place where it didn’t match, end the date. Yet, it was a tool for me to guard my heart and truly trust God in the process. After every first date or second date, I would come home, pull out my list and pray about the night. Some may tell me that I was too serious or overthinking things, and you know what I would tell them? You’re right. I am too serious and I am going to think through every detail, as should you. I was tired of meaningless dates and having no direction. I desired a partner in life!

Proverbs 4:23 says, “Guard your heart for it determines your future.”

This verse has been an anthem for me. I can’t tell you how many times I have let a boy determine my future because I simply forgot to guard my heart. God has plans for my life, I see them in dreams, random strangers speak it over my life, and when I’m speaking in front of an audience I feel it deep within. I know I am called and it’s not something I want to take lightly. I am on mission and marriage is a huge part of adding or delaying that mission. Therefore, I am healthfully guarded because I want to reach that finish line!

Have you thought about the dreams you have for your life? Does the person you’re dating help you get there or can you see him helping you? Is the person you just met at the level to take you there?

All are big questions because it’s a big decision who you choose to DATE and then potentially marry. We make dating seem like this fun event; however, it is much more. I heard a pastor once say that dating is practicing for divorce. Harsh, right? Honestly in our culture, it’s become that. We can change that by taking time to prepare now.

Make a list and check it twice. Spend time before the Lord and bring in a mentor or someone you trust. Don’t go through the dating season alone, surround yourself with wise counsel.

Below is my list. Andrew is on this list. He’s not perfect, but God knew what I needed and I am glad I took the time to sit down and hear from God on what I needed. If I didn’t, I would have compromised, made excuses, and missed out on God’s perfect plan.

1. Loves Jesus more than me and pursues a daily relationship with Him.
2. Initiates and grows constant relationships with his and my family.
3. Teachable and willing to humble himself for the sake of growth.
4. Practice a healthy lifestyle through eating habits and exercise.
5. Positive outlook through all circumstances. The ability to bring me out of my pessimism.
6. Prefers and honors me.
7. Big and outgoing personality that is inviting and makes everyone know that they are welcome.
8. Leadership is relational. He would invest in all people he manages and constantly empower and call out greatness.
9. Hardworking no matter what job he is in or the challenge he is presented with. In all things, it will be done for the Lord.
10. Persistent in the pursuit of my heart. He makes me feel cherished.
11. Clear boundaries with the opposite sex.
12. Encouraging. Able to see past the exterior walls of people and speak words of affirmation that hit the core
13. Dreams big and pushes me towards my dreams.
14. Desires wise counsel and will be the first to make it happen with mentors, etc.

Do you have a list? Make one. Check it twice. Find a mentor to hold you to it. It matters.