For The Girl Afraid To Go All In For Her Faith

Growing up, I believed in God, but I didn’t know Him. My family never went to church, and we rarely talked about God, except for quick prayers over Christmas or Easter dinners, and even then, I didn’t understand what those holidays meant. I couldn’t have told you the significance of Easter, who Jesus really was, or why any of it mattered.

When I was 11, my parents got divorced, and my world shifted. Every other weekend, my sister and I would pack a bag to go to our dad’s house. Three years later, my mom remarried a Christian man who is now my stepdad. Jim began taking us to church, and for the first time in my life, I walked into a building where God was worshipped. I didn’t know what to expect, but something about it felt like home. I didn’t understand everything, but I felt drawn in.

Still, we didn’t attend church consistently . Between soccer and the back-and-forth of my parents, we didn’t always make it. But something was beginning to stir in my heart.

Just months after my mom’s re-marriage, the relationship with my biological dad began to fall apart. Eventually, my sister and I stopped going to his house altogether. That was more painful than the divorce itself. There were so many nights filled with tears, anger, and questioning my own worth. How could someone who’s supposed to love you unconditionally just stop showing up?

In that pain, I turned to God. I didn’t know what else to do. My stepdad became a steady source of encouragement and pointed me to Jesus, reminding me that even when people fail, God never does.

I started to lean on Him more, and at 17, I decided to get baptized. It was a beautiful, powerful experience, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t understand the full meaning of what I was committing to. My life didn’t really change. I still lived for the world, still wrestled with the same hurts, and didn’t open my Bible or pray much. I said I was a Christian, but nothing about my lifestyle showed it.

“They claim to know God, but by their actions they deny him.” —Titus 1:16

Looking back, I can see now that I was living in lukewarm faith. I had one foot in the world and one foot near Jesus. I went to church and posted Bible verses, but my heart wasn’t surrendered. I listened to music that didn’t honor God, I gossiped, I tried to please everyone around me—and I called that Christianity.

I carried that lukewarm faith into college. I went to Grand Canyon University, where I joined my first Bible study. I wanted to grow, but I felt so behind, so unequipped. Everyone around me seemed to have it together spiritually, and I felt ashamed for not knowing more. I kept going, but eventually, I slipped right back into my old habits.

After my freshman year, I moved back home. I still went to church occasionally, but I felt more distant from God than ever. I couldn’t figure out why I felt so lost. I had everything I thought I wanted—friends, a future, stability—but I still felt empty.

It wasn’t until August of 2024 that things started to change. I picked up my Bible again, not out of guilt, but out of hunger and love. Something was different this time. There was no single defining moment, but I slowly realized I didn’t want to go back to how things were.

“You were taught… to put off your old self… and to be made new in the attitude of your minds.” —Ephesians 4:22–23

I started asking myself: Would this glorify God? I began replacing the things that pulled me away from Him with things that pulled me closer. Worship music instead of rap. Encouragement instead of gossip. Time in the Word instead of scrolling. I started praying, not just when I was desperate, but out of relationship. 

Ephesians 5:8 says, “For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.”

And that’s what happened. I stepped out of the darkness of lukewarm faith and into the light of surrender. I stopped living for the approval of others and started living for the One who created me. I stopped trying to blend in with the world and started letting God set me apart. I began to live out his word and genuinely know him.

It hasn’t been perfect. I’ve stumbled. I’ve doubted. I’ve felt the weight of conviction, but also the beauty of grace. God didn’t just wait for me to get it together, he came after me. He never left me behind.

“But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, he saved us…” —Titus 3:4–5

Now, I walk differently. I think differently. Most importantly I love differently, because Jesus changed my heart. It’s not because of anything I’ve done, but because of everything Jesus has done. He’s transformed my life, and although not instantly, it’s been steady and constant. I’ve learned that the unknown isn’t something to fear, because God already knows it all. He is the author of my story.

So, to the girl afraid to go all in: do it.

Go all in with Jesus. It will cost you comfort, pride, and maybe a few friendships, but what you gain is far greater. You’ll gain peace that doesn’t make sense. Joy that isn’t tied to your circumstances. Identity that can’t be shaken.

You’ll realize you were never “not enough”—you were always complete in Christ.

“Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” —Ephesians 4:24

My story is still being written, but I know who’s holding the pen now. Jesus is my firm foundation, and I will never regret surrendering everything to follow Him.