To The Girl Going Off To College

I asked ChatGPT a question: “What’s the #1 thing a young girl going into her freshman year of college looks forward to?” 

The answer I was given was this: “Freedom and independence. It’s often a mix of excitement and nervousness, but that sense of stepping into a new chapter where they’re in charge is what stands out the most.”

And it’s crazy because if you asked me that question a year and a half ago, I would’ve given almost word for word, the exact same answer as ChatGPT. But this past year, the Lord has challenged me to question and find out why I want to go to college, and why it matters in my walk with the Lord. Today, my answer couldn’t be more opposite.

. . . 

College has been a given for my entire life. Both my parents went to college. In fact, my dad has his masters, and is now finishing up two doctorates. My grandma on my mom’s side always told me that I need to wait to get married until after I finish college. My grandma on my dad’s side was always telling me I’d become a famous artist once I’m discovered in college. My parents literally met because my dad’s college was interlinked with the church my mom was going to.

It didn’t matter who I talked to. My life was going to lead to college, and then the rest of my life would be determined by my college years.

As I heard more and more about what was so great about college, I began to see that freedom was what made the college experience so worth it. In college, your parents aren’t there to tell you what to do. You can choose if you want to be in church on a Sunday, or if you want to sleep in. You can skip class and not get yelled at for it, and you can eat whatever and as much of what you want. It’s amazing; you get to make every call, and there’s no designated voice in your life but your own to guide you. 

8 year old me couldn’t wait for the day she graduated high school.

. . . 

As the years went by, I began to idolize this idea of freedom. I was sick and tired of constantly being told that not only did I have to listen to my parents telling me what to do constantly, but now I was being asked, “Well, what do you think the Lord is telling you to do?” I didn’t care about what my parents were telling me to do, let alone what the Lord was telling me. All I wanted was to be the one in charge of my life. I wanted to make all the calls because I thought that whatever I chose would be the very best for me. College couldn’t come any sooner. 

Fast forward to my junior year of high school, and my parents are finally starting to give me a bit more freedom in life. I have my first boyfriend, I start to hang out with people who stay out late, and I can drive. For the first time in my life, my voice began to have more power over my life than my parents’ voices do. If junior year of high school feels this good, how amazing will college be?

Then, at the end of my junior year, it all came crashing down on me. 

My boyfriend and I broke up. We were going to be moving across the country in less than a year, and both of my brothers, two of my best friends, were leaving for college. What happened to the small amount of freedom I did have? None of this was in my control. Why didn’t I get to have a say in this? I was losing everything that I thought was best for me. Wasn’t this supposed to be the time of my life when everything started to line up perfectly for me to have the perfect send off to college?

I felt left empty handed, abandoned, and stranded. In the midst of all this, I was being asked where I was going to start applying to colleges. So, I had a choice. I could either continue to view college as my escape, just like I had been prior to this. Or I could turn to the Lord.

. . . 

As I weighed out my options, I realized I really didn’t have an option. College was not a good escape, and it clearly did not have the freedom I believed would change my life for the better. It was like the Lord was telling me that it was time for me to stop simply saying I trust Him, and to step out in faith and act like I trust Him. I began to realize that the Lord’s freedom didn’t work the same way that I had thought it would. 

The thing is, it’s a backwards kingdom. The Lord doesn’t work in the way of the world, in fact, His ways work opposite to it. What the world deems right, the Lord deems wrong. The world speaks to us in a shout of hurry, while the Lord whispers to us in gentle messages of peace and guidance. 

The Lord’s freedom, likewise, is backwards. Surrender of control, surrender of your desires, surrender of your plans, surrender of making everything “just right.” That is freedom of the Lord. That is freedom that brings you peace beyond understanding. Freedom that will satisfy and quench your thirst for meaning, understanding, and purpose. It’s a freedom that will shift your perspective from the surface level to the bigger picture that God has in mind.  It replaces the stress of making a decision with the boldness to walk out in faith. 

Isaiah chapter 40 became the stronghold that I held fast to during my entire senior year. 

In verses 24 through 28 it says, “He judges the great people of the world and brings them all to nothing. They hardly get started, barely taking root, when he blows on them and they wither. The wind carries them off like chaff. ‘To whom will you compare me? Who is my equal?’ asks the Holy One. Look up into the heavens. Who created all the stars? He brings them out like an army, one after another, calling each by its name. Because of his great power and incomparable strength, not a single one is missing. O Jacob, how can you say the Lord does not see your troubles? O Israel, how can you say God ignores your rights? Have you not heard? Have you never understood? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary.” 

Isaiah was writing to the people of Judah and reminding them of the vastness of the Lord. He is reminding them that no matter how hard you may work, the Lord can take it away in an instant. His power surpasses all. Yet in that, He is a loving father. Isaiah goes on, asking them why they are complaining to the Lord for ignoring their issues. Isaiah addresses it so bluntly by plainly saying that they’ve forgotten who the Lord is. He is the everlasting God. The Creator of all the Earth. How could the one who never grows weak or weary be forgetting about you?

Everyone has heard of Isaiah 40:31 and loves it because it’s a “feel good” Bible verse. But the Lord opened my eyes to see what it truly meant. It says, “But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.” From this verse, I realized that trusting in the Lord will give me freedom to soar on wings like eagles, to run and not grow weary, and to walk and not faint. I was reminded of who He is, of how He loves, and how He sees me, but it requires something of me. It requires me to sacrifice my control. 

I love the quote that says, “There is nothing that will limit God’s capacity for transformation in your life, except your ‘yes’ or your ‘no.’”

The Lord could’ve left me to handle everything on my own, but I would’ve been completely useless because I don’t have the power to transform my situation. I can’t make the world revolve perfectly around me. I had to humble myself, and run to the Lord to realize that I don’t know enough to hold everything together. I had to sacrifice the worldly freedom I had idolized and control over my life. 

How freeing it was to realize that there is a God who loves me enough to lift the weight of the world off my shoulders. 

. . . 

As I write this, I have exactly 28 days until I move into my freshman dorm room at Virginia Tech. I’m going to be 2,545 miles away from my brand new home that I just began to establish in Washington. I have about three friends that I’ve met online in the massive pool of 38,000 other students. But I’m excited.

I’m excited not because I get to be in charge of my life (that’s the last thing I want), but because I’m about to step into a season of life where the Lord is calling me to a brand new sense of freedom. It may not look how I used to think it would. It’s going to be way harder than I would’ve planned. But I’m excited because the Lord has set me free.